Speaking Out! It May be a Catch 22!

7 Sep

Vivian D from Pensacola, FL sent in @mail:

“This is not a fashion or decorating question, but it can be linked with either!  I want to say something to my girlfriend about her spending!  Every weekend she asks me to go to the mall,  we’re shopping and when getting to the register, she never has enough money. To not be embarrassed, I give her the balance and I get reimbursed weeks later!  I’m upset about it, that she asks and  so lackadaisy when paying me back !

There is nothing worse than keeping something that upsets you in…internally making your blood pressure go up!   It’s hard to tell a person how you feel, especially when you care for them.  It’s hard to see something that is not right and you want to say something.  Afraid of getting the “mind your business” response or have someone get so frantic, you wish you had never said anything!

This happens all the time daily and you have to pick your battles.  However, for those who did speak out, just wanted change!  Change from what might be wrong, something bothering them, injustice or even sometimes the mere fact to help someone or pull someone near.

Whatever it is, there all kinds of vehicles to get your point across…you just have to choose wisely!

I remember when I was young, still at home and my mother would constantly complain about our neighbor taking our garbage pail every week “He’s at it again!”.  She didn’t want to say anything,  keep the peace.

Until one day, I spoke about it loudly after the garbage trucks completed their pickup, Mr. Danielson took our trash can…knowing it wasn’t his.  That meant, we DID not have one! Right!   So, this kept up for about another 2 week period, after I was left dragging back the can each time.  Until one day, I waited!  Just waited.  Politely first, “Are you aware that this trash can is our’s?” Thinking he would be a little embarrassed.  Not in the least!!!  “Yeah, I know…you took my 10 years ago!”

OK!  I had no idea what he was talking about and come to find out that he has been pissed for 10 years!  Never spoke about it, never said a WORD!   I replied “Mr. Danielson, we did not take your trash can, for we mark ours with our address.   So, please do not take it.”   He was surprised, “So what am I going to use, I keep placing my garbage in a bag?”  I remember saying, “For the love of Gertrude!”   “Mr. Danielson, if our trash can is not full, you can put your garbage in it.  I know you want your own.  Let me talk to my mother and see if we can get you one!”

Too my surprise, he said “I don’t want Gilda buying me anything.”  Gilda! Did he not call my mother by her first name!!!  I finally got it!   He did not want me to complain, he want my mother to complain!  It had nothing to do with the trash can, it was about how he has fancied her for over 10 years and the only way he could get her attention was taking the damn can!  Humph!   What wrong with flowers, ringing the bell?????

Well, I never told my mother what he said, I remember letting her know that he wouldn’t be taking her trash can anymore and next time try to say something when things bother her! Although she never, ever mention to me that she had any likings for Mr. Danielson, I was always curious what would have happened if she did complain! 😉

If you have questions or concerns, see if you would like to change it by merely speaking out about it (whatever it may be)!  Vivian in your case, it maybe hard, because you may have an expectation that your girlfriend will stop and you care about the friendship!   Will she stop shopping, this may not happen realistically.  It’s about her not having any money and that can be a sore topic for most!   So, I would suggest when asked to go shopping, have something else to do and express you concerns.  To her, she may think you don’t mind; when you quite actually do!

Anyone have a comment, leave below or send me your feedback via e-mail at lee@lmlifestyleanddesign.com.  I love hearing your thoughts, you may have other suggestions for Vivian!

Letia 🙂

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